Pandemic Shut-Down Hospitals, Devastating Families & Patients

The battle so many family members fought during the pandemic shut-down was an uphill climb. Most of the time, it was a battle lost. I was watching the news. The reports of so many being turned away from being with their loved ones was heart breaking. Now that I had a loved one I needed to be with, it was down right scary too. The past few days seemed like a very bad dream I couldn’t get out of. Numbness had began to creep in and I felt like I was sinking into a helpless pit. Would I be able to get anywhere with these people that were putting up such a roadblock? I didn’t know the answer to that on August 17, 2021. But, I also wasn’t going to sit on my hands and wait.

I Needed Support and I got it

Let’s go back to earlier in the day. I left out something very important. After the FaceTime call with Nurse Sarah, I was a wreck. Sickness bubbled in my stomach and fear that I would not see Ron alive again froze me. Being alone was no good for me at that moment. I have a big family, so I called one of my 5 brothers, David. He’s a mess, a hot one. But, we had formed a bond and a friendship over the past few years and I knew I could count on him.

Dave was already a Caregiver of Sorts

David or “Dave” as we call him lived with my mom. At the time, Mom was 87 years old and had ailments that called for someone to be with her. Dave had moved in several years earlier after he had open heart surgery. She nursed him back to health and it was his turn to do some care taking. They had not escaped the pandemic illness either. Mom had COVID twice and spend day after day in the emergency room and hospital herself. Remember her age here, because I am about to tell you about a strong woman.

Mom’s Diagnosis during the Pandemic

Mom had COPD. After her second go around with COVID, she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Since the hits just keep coming, I will also share that her brother was in the ER at the same time as her. He had been battling lung cancer for quite some time. It took his life as she was fighting for hers. To get this diagnosis just took the wind right out of her sails and she when downhill quick. About the same time that Ron went into the hospital, Mom went into hospice. She was past the point of Dave caring for her and hospice had done all they could for her at home. So, that was the next logical step.

Now that mom was in hospice, Dave was alone at home and going stir crazy. When I hung up the FaceTime call, I fell on my face and cried out to God. I can still hear the sounds coming out of me today. That will forever be in my memory. It was more of a screech than a scream. Never have I been more thankful that the gift of the Holy Spirit lives in me and was interceding on my behalf than I was at that moment. I managed to pull myself together and dial Dave’s number. He answered and I broke down. It upset him because I couldn’t speak and he thought the worst. He started crying. It was just a brother, sister cry fest! I finally managed to tell him something was wrong with Ron and I was scared. He made the 45 minute drive to my house in record speed. I needed him and he came running, with his miniature Jack Russell Petey in tow.

Stay Calm, Be Firm, Keep Pushing

Once Dave arrived and we got over our snot fest, I filled him in on what had been happening the past couple of day. To say he was livid would be an understatement. He told me that Ron was not his brother-in-law, he was his brother, blood or not. Then he shared with me that he had a good talk with the Lord on his way over and that he knew everything was going to be ok. He helped me get my fight back and set about doing some manly work around the house that had been neglected. I got back on the phone. First with my friend who looked through Ron’s chart. She shared with me that his lung x-rays and test results were looking better. What she didn’t say was that he had a long road ahead of him that she didn’t think he could survive. Despite her medical knowledge of what was going on, she gave me the support and information that I needed. We moved forward as if there was no chance we would lose him.

Another Day with No Answers

The 17th of August 2021 was day 6 in the hospital for Ron. It was day 6 of me at home without him, fighting to get in, fighting for him to live, fighting because he couldn’t fight for himself. He was fighting to live though and I praise God for that blessing. By the end of the day, I didn’t have any more answers. The exhaustion was overwhelming. I had to get some rest so I could be alert the next day. I laid down on Ron’s side of the bed. The dog and the cat took their places next to me. I cried myself to sleep as I prayed harder than I had ever prayed before. Then I slept.

Up, Shower, Coffee, Prayer and My Friend, August 18

The next morning, I got up feeling a little refreshed and a little like I had been in the ring with a heavy weight fighter. My body hurt, my eyes were puffy and my mind was cluttered with a raceway of “what do I do next?” Dave made fresh coffee and bacon. He always made bacon! I did the best I could to eat and I drank my fair share of the coffee. It was time to get back to work. Oh, wait! Did I even mention my work?

I am in real estate. By August of 2021, I was having the biggest year of my career. The pandemic brought other things besides just sickness. Work from home or “working remote” had become the next big thing. With that came the desire of the multitudes to have a bigger, better, nicer home for “working remote.” When Ron got sick, my clients didn’t stop buying homes. Thank the Good Lord for that too!

But, in the midst of this trial, I was fielding client calls, writing contracts, scheduling showings and negotiating deals. It was hard. Honestly, that is an understatement. But, I didn’t have time to think about it, so I just got it done. For the first time in my career, I missed closings, passed clients off to other agents and provided a lower standard of service than was customary. However, I gave myself a little slack and so did most of my clients.

Next Steps

My friend began to give me instructions on how to get in touch with the right people at the hospital. She told I had to stay calm but not to be a pushover either. It was important that I was firm with my requests but not rude. Then, she told me to push for answers. I made notes on what tests should be run, how often and what results were to be shared with me. I didn’t know what most of the terms she used meant and it didn’t matter. The point was for me to say what I was told so whomever I was talking to knew I wasn’t going away.

After we talked through all of that, my friend told me to find the names of the hospital house supervisor, Assistant VP or CEO. Then she wanted me to call them. Suddenly, I hit the brakes and felt a weight on my chest. I couldn’t breathe. “You want me to call who?” I didn’t know if I could do this, but I knew I had to muster up the strength.

Hire a Medical Advocate

The next piece of advice came from Trey, the medical advocate I hired. He had the hospital playbook and put it right into my hands. I wasn’t fully convinced that the information he gave me was going to work. But, I knew I had to trust him and do exactly what he told me. After all, if it didn’t work, I still wanted him in my corner. What he told me was a step-by-step conversation that was going to take place between me and whichever administrator I got on the phone.

Taking no for an answer was not an option. Ron would tell you that I had the cat in the bag at that point. That’s a little joke. It’s ok to let out a little giggle. I will admit that I was nauseated and nervous. But, I dialed the number I had gotten for the Hospital Supervisor and asked for him by name.

Call the Administration

The lady that answered the phone was the Hospital Supervisor’s Administrative Assistant. She stated that he was in a meeting and would need to take a message. Not knowing how much of what Trey told me to say needed to be said to the Admin Assistant, I launched into the facts Jack. She interrupted me and said “Mrs. Loveless, as soon as he is out of his meeting, I will make sure he calls you.” She didn’t know how long that would be. Needless to say, I sat on pens and needles and paced the floor until the phone rang. Which it did just an hour or so later.

“Mrs. Loveless, my name is Donald and I am the Hospital Supervisor. I received a message from you and I am very concerned. Please tell me what is going on.” The door was open and I walk right through it. Though I am sure he could hear the shaking in my voice, I managed to briefly retell the important details of the past 24 hours. You know what happened? I couldn’t believe it! He said to me EXACTLY what Trey told me he was going to say. Guess what? I knew what the next line was and I almost jumped out of my seat with excitement. The conversation lasted about 10 minutes and was word for word what Trey told me it would be.

Standing My Ground

My instructions were to give the brief report of what was going on with Ron’s care, which I did. Then, I was to stand firm and do the calm pushing. I asked Donald what he would do if this was his family member. He uncomfortably said he would fight for them. So, I told him that they would help me get my husband that “higher standard of care” or I would show up at the front doors of the hospital. I made it clear that I was willing to fill the parking lot, call the news and even get arrested if they didn’t take care of my husband better. He didn’t think I was kidding, which is good because I wasn’t. We did have a crowd of folks that were ready to fill the parking lot too.

Empathy and Demands

I appreciated that Donald listened to me and showed some compassion. I am absolutely positive that his job was not easy during this time. When I finished telling him what my next steps would be, I raised my petition to be bedside care again. Before he could object, I let him know I would sign anything, wear anything and follow any rules they gave me but I had to get in that room. I was wondering what Ron was thinking at this point. Did he think I wasn’t coming?

At the end of the phone call, Donald recapped his plan on how to move forward. He had spoken with the Nurse Practitioner briefly and agreed that it was important to check his brain for the cause of his mentation (mental state). He promised me more involvement with Ron’s care, increased communication from the doctors (not just the nurses & support staff), a neuro plan to check his brain and to follow up with me before the end of the day. Donald balked at including Trey in any communications because he said it would cause confusion. This is where I pushed harder and told him it wasn’t an option for me to not have Trey involved and informed. I won too! A small win, but I needed one at this point.

Hurry up and Wait

After the call with Donald the Hospital Supervisor, I filled my friend and Trey in on the conversation. Neither of them was surprised and felt the plan was a good one. I just thought if it would just move along a little quicker, that would be great. We all know that is just not how things work. Having done everything I knew to do, all that was left was to wait.

Next Time

Things will start to move along in the next installment. The day drug on minute by minute and it was tedious. But, change was coming. Stay tuned.